So, yeah. There comes a time for most people who consider themselves creative when they have to face the fact that they haven't done any meaningful work for a long time. If I was younger I would probably try to push through it. I did that with fiction and it blew up in my face.I have some bad habits, sure. I don't chew on my fingernails, but I worry enough that maybe I should start. Not that I worry about anything in particular. Do I seem worried? Most people seem to not be able to tell when I am highly anxious or nervous - Most people can't tell when I'm drunk either. In either situation, nobody knows until I do something incredibly stupid and embarrassing.
That was the worry, for a long time... "Don't do anything stupid." Now, I don't worry about anything so sensible. I spend most of my time gradually oscillating between mania and a permanent half-awake state, so I guess that is the worry. Not "Am I going to wake up tomorrow?" - whatever, it'll be what it'll be - it's "Am I going to sleep tonight and if I do, will I sleep for twenty hours?"
Not really an option. I have too much shit going on, and it's never my shit. My shit can always wait. It's everyone else's shit that has to be on time. Well, not counting dentist appointments. But sometimes I just sleep through it. Or I don't sleep for three days.
What am I trying to say here?
I guess I'm making excuses. I'm not doing much in the way of work. Haven't kicked a beat for months, haven't made a mix tape for many weeks, I didn't even listen to music really at all for about two months this winter. I tell myself I'm recharging my batteries, but I don't know. Batteries fail after awhile.
Like I said: I aint really worried about it. I'm just kind of worried in general.
